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23rd of July 2018

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Chris Christie is definitely not a Hollywood Chris

Image: chip somodevilla/getty images, bob al-greene/mashable2016%2f10%2f06%2fcf%2funtitled48.27c77By Kellen Beck2018-07-04 14:00:00 UTC

Welcome to Chris-mas in July, a week-long celebration of our four favorite Hollywood Chrises. We'll be analyzing old movies, digging deep into past roles, and exploring everything there is to know about Evans, Hemsworth, Pine and Pratt. We hope this totally made up holiday makes you smile.

In this wonderful week of Chris-mas, where we celebrate the best that the name Chris has to offer, it's important to remember that not all Chrises are upstanding people who deserve to star in the biggest action and adventure movies of the modern era.

There are bad Chrises, folks. Irredeemable Chrises. Chrises that hurt people, ruined lives, and even led to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people.

Yes, some truly terrible people have been given the name Chris over the years (inevitable because the name is very common!), and though "Chris" hasn't been besmirched so much as to be tarnished forever, like Adolf or Donald, these people sure seem like they're trying to abolish Chris.

In no order, these are some of the worst famous Chrises. 

Whatever you do, do not cast these people in a Marvel movie. 

Chris Hardwick

Chloe Dykstra, the ex-girlfriend of Chris Hardwick, recently wrote an essay describing an ex-boyfriend who sexually assaulted her and was emotionally abusive for years. All signs point to that ex-boyfriend being Chris Hardwick.

Dykstra detailed how Hardwick was controlling to an abusive degree, not allowing her to go out alone, drink alcohol around him, be friends with other men, or even talk in public. She said he would yell at her when she slipped up in any way. 

Dykstra also wrote that Hardwick expected her to be sexually available whenever he wanted, even if she didn't want to, and even if it brought her to tears.

After Dykstra broke up with Hardwick, she alleged that he called various places that she got work from and worked to blacklist her and ruined her career. Not only that, he worked with another woman to ruin her relationships with other people, all because Dykstra wasn't going to put up with abuse and assault anymore.

Hardwick has sort of denied these allegations, but Dykstra has received an outpouring of support.

Chris Christie

One of the biggest clowns to ever grace the public office of New Jersey, Chris Christie is impossible to ignore when thinking of the worst Chrises of all time. In a 2017 poll, Christie was found to have the worst approval rating of any New Jersey governor ever — 15%. He also hit the highest disapproval level (of course) with an impressive 81%.

How come everyone hated him? Well, he was a bad governor. Despite New Jersey being in a "state of fiscal emergency," Christie didn't want to raise taxes on millionaires. He never wanted to raise minimum wage despite an increased cost of living. He underfunded schools and illegally withheld funds from schools while offering tax breaks to charter schools that poor people can't afford. He opposed same-sex marriage.

Then there was the whole bridge scandal where Christie's administration illegally closed down lanes on the George Washington Bridge between New Jersey and Manhattan for political spite. This caused major traffic jams and delays that slowed down emergency medical services, which potentially led to the death of Florence Genova, a woman who died of cardiac arrest that emergency services had a late response to.

Christopher Columbus

This one is a heavy hitter, so buckle up. Christopher Columbus was a horrible, horrible, horrible person. It's reprehensible that we have a holiday dedicated to this monster.

Columbus famously led an expedition across the Atlantic and landed in the Americas (he was aiming for Japan) and then proceeded to ignite a genocide against the people of Hispaniola. Columbus quickly established himself as a tyrant leader over Hispaniola, colonizing Haiti and the Dominican Republic and becoming the founder of the trans-Atlantic slave trade.

Columbus's rule was nightmarish, forcing the people of Hispaniola into slavery, including children for sexual purposes, forcing grueling labor on people, and brutally punishing those who either disobeyed or didn't work hard enough with torture, dismemberment, and death. Columbus also brought the plague and diseases to the Americas. 

Between that, war, and horrible living conditions, Columbus's arrival in the Americas led to the deaths of 200,000 to 250,000 people in Hispaniola, which was about 80-90% of the island's population.

Christopher Moltisanti 

Most people involved with the mafia are generally unsavory characters, whether they've committed murder, dealt harmful drugs, propagated exploitative prostitution, or otherwise taken advantage of people. Christopher Moltisanti of The Sopranos is one of such characters.

Played by Michael Imperioli, Moltisanti routinely exhibits poor behavior in The Sopranos. He is generally a mess and pretty irresponsible, being an abuser of drugs and supplier of drugs to others and one time almost killing Tony Soprano by driving while intoxicated.

Not only that, Moltisanti cheated repeatedly on his partners and murdered at least seven people and was involved with the murders of others. And during Season 2, Moltisanti got high on heroin and sat on a dog, suffocating the dog and killing it. Just horrible.

Chris Brown

Somehow Chris Brown is still putting out music and people are still listening to it despite the fact that he brutally assaulted Rihanna and allegedly hurt and threatened multiple other people. 

Brown's career should've ended in 2009 when he got into an argument with then-girlfriend Rihanna that escalated into violence. According to an account from Rihanna, Brown threatened to kill her, punched and bit her repeatedly inside of his rented car, choked her, bruised her face, made her bleed, and lead to her hospitalization.

If that wasn't enough, Brown also got into an argument with Frank Ocean in 2013 and allegedly punched Ocean. He has also allegedly committed a hit and run, another assault, and threatened multiple people with a gun. Brown currently has two restraining orders against him from women he allegedly assaulted and threatened and is banned from entering Australia, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom.

Christopher Wilder

Christopher Wilder may be the least recognizable name on this list but that doesn't make him any less heinous. Wilder was a serial killer who killed at least eight women across the U.S. in 1984, his spree ending after six weeks when he was killed.

Primarily targeting female models, aspiring models, and contestants in beauty competitions, Wilder abducted, assaulted, tortured, and/or raped at least 12 women in six weeks, killing at least eight victims. Along with his known victims, it's possible that Wilder is responsible for the deaths of at least nine other girls and women. 

Wilder's confirmed crimes started in Australia, where he was originally from, in 1982 where he was charged for forcing minors to pose nude. Two years later, Wilder murdered Rosario Gonzalez and his girlfriend Elizabeth Kenyon disappeared in Florida, then he murdered Theresa Wait Ferguson and abducted but did not kill Linda Glover, leaving her locked in a motel. 

Wilder was soon after put on the FBI's 10 most wanted fugitives list, where he remained as he moved across the country, abducting and killing more victims until he was spotted by police officers in New Hampshire and shot twice and killed during a scuffle.

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